You know when you have a feeling that is infinitely hard to describe and is not tangible for another human to see? Well there is a name for that, Anxiety. And I won't sugar-coat it at all, it fucking sucks. It's not like in the movies when the socially awkward nerd wants to ask the hot cheerleader out at high school and by the end of the film he has become this hunk who gets the girl and goes to prom in a limo. No. No situation has ever ended like that for me (Although I wouldn't mind walking away with a cheerleader)
My last few weeks have looked more like panic! at University, alcohol consumption to forget shit I haven't done, racing heartbeats, tidying my room and messing it up again, eating too many Oreos and having no vision or motivation to do any work and struggling with this 'block' that doesn't want to lift from my brain. So, essentially not that great at all. And when it's supposed to be my most fruitful and busiest year at uni, it's not helpful that I didn't even want to go in.
Anyway, sob story over, I'm writing this now because I feel that the fog may be lifting ever so slowly and there is hope yet! Whilst it's difficult to think outside of these nagging and constant thoughts of self doubt and disappointment, once you have a little glimmer of something positive (it may just be that you get out of the house for a bit) you can hopefully grab onto that and begin to pull yourself out of the dark ages of your brain. A lot of the time surrounding yourself with caring and compassionate people who love you is the best way to stay afloat in these times, and I have found that most comforting knowing my family and close friends are there to listen or even just for a hug. Also, if you have a pet, give them a massive hug (if it's a mouse or hamster be careful) this helps you to concentrate some of your energy on something else and can release happy hormones :) :)
I've found it difficult to face talking to people on many occasions but I do try my best to get up and show up in life, and to discuss ideas etc. with others. After the initial discomfort, I actually think to myself "wow it's not too bad actually this conversation is pretty useful" throw in a cup of coffee and the day is off to a good start. To put it bluntly: I gain a lot from being around others despite not always wanting to go at the start. So it's a push but most of the time it's worth it.
I think this is a good place to finish for now, and I hope if anyone is feeling similar to this, they can also find their way out of the dark place into the fresh air. x
